Good IT jokes are few and far between, especially when it comes to cybersecurity. That’s why we put on our creativity hats to brainstorm joke after joke – with a break to pull in a few of our favorites from the web – for the ultimate result: the motherlode (or should we say motherboard?) of cybersecurity jokes and puns. P.S.: we side with Alfred Hitchcock on this one: puns are the highest form of literature.
Everyone deserves an eye-catching intro to break the ice at the start of a meeting or spice up a PowerPoint – gotta keep the CEO’s attention somehow! And no joke is complete without the perfect graphic. Feel free to grab ours and include them in your next newsletter, quarterly presentation, or for a workday pick-me-up.
Without further ado, we present…
Our Favorite Cybersecurity Jokes
Why didn’t the IT team set up their remote office from the beach?
It was too cloudy.
What’s a hacker’s favorite season?
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches and asks…
“May I join you?” (source)
What do you call a turtle that surfs the dark web?
A TORtoise (source)
What do you call an excavated pyramid?
If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, and boys are made of slime, snails, and puppy-dog tails, what’s the cloud made from?
Linux servers, mostly. (Based on this doodle)
What do you call a group of math and science geeks at a party?
Why did the programmer go to rehab?
He was addicted to coding.
What’s the best way to catch a runaway robot?
Use a botnet.
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How did the vegetable farmer sell his produce on the dark web?
He used onion routing.
Why did the programmer leave the camping trip early?
There were too many bugs.
Why don’t young programmers write in script these days?
They were only taught Java.
What did the moderator say to kick off the IT speed dating session?
“Singles, sign on!”
What do you tell a hacker after a bad breakup?
There are plenty of phish in the sea!
What’s one step that witches and wizards take to ensure data security?
Did you hear about the computer that kept rebooting?
It was terminal.
Why didn’t the company move into the Castle in the Sky?
There wasn’t enough cloud storage.
Why did the band never get a gig?
It was called 1023MB. (source)
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What’s a programmer’s least favorite Pixar movie?
A Bug’s Life.
How do you choose a strong password?
Go to the gym and find the one lifting the heaviest weights!
What did the hacker’s out of office message say?
Where does a MySQL database go to relax on a hot day?
A buffer pool.
How do programmers like their brownies?
What are a CISO’s two biggest cybersecurity fears?
Everyone who works at the company… and everyone who doesn’t. (source)
What do you call a Wes Anderson movie that gets a lot of attention online?
Fantastic Mr. Firefox
Why did the football team fumble the handoff?
They didn’t use a secure transfer method.
What happens when kids hit high school and want more independence?
They start to get SaaS-y.
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Why was the hacker’s Californian hiking trip interrupted?
There was a firewall.
Coronavirus fear is everywhere…
Today I coughed on my monitor and my antivirus software started running. (source)
Why didn’t the shopper go down the canned meat aisle in the grocery store?
Her SPAM filters were on.
What do you call it when only one digit steers your car?
A thumb drive.
What's a secret agent's go-to fashion?
Why did the database administrator slice a tree stump in half?
He needed a binary log.
Have you heard of the band called Dark Web?
They're always on tor. (source)
After a life of cybercrime, how did the hacker get to heaven?
The password hadn’t been changed in 2000 years.
Other Cybersecurity Jokes & Comics to Follow
Looking for more tech, cybersecurity, and (mostly) office-appropriate jokes? Check out some of our faves:
- Charlie Ciso – created by Dr. Edward Amoroso and Rich Powell – a comic for cybersecurity professionals everywhere.
- XKCD – created by Randall Munroe – topics of this quintessential internet-famous strip include math, language, and science. Come for the graphs, stay for the laughs!
- Break Time! – Six HelpSystems-sactioned cybersecurity games. Learn about cybersecurity, and teach your non-security coworkers the ins and outs of your job!